things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Two words: nipple clamps
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