My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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