is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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