people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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