Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
