I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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