Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize