I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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