How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
