I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
