I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
