she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
