I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
