i was born a porn star she said
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
