The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
