yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
