Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize