I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
