"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
