when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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