Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize