i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
