just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
