She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I want is dick and wine.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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