I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
