Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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