You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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