george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
