i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
