Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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