hotel room ftw
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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