Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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