So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
