Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize