Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
