my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
