so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it because I queefed?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
