i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize