My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
