They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
