I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
