I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
