I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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