He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
