He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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