and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
