i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
