Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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