I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
