I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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