honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
