I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
