By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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