ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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