I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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