i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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