This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
