My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
