I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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