Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Randomize
