Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
