I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize