My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
