I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
