I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everclear isn't food dammit
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
