so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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