Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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