So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
